Memories of the Past, Dreams of the Future
by Raumk20
Summary: After the events on Horizon, Ashley visits Shepard on the Normandy. Mass Effect.


Author's Note: I always felt that Bioware gave way more focus and attention on Liara than Ashley in the romance plot, so I decided to write my own version of Ashley coming aboard the Normandy after the Horizon mission. This is largely based on the e-mail she sends you, I just thought it'd be better to have her say it in person. Hope you like.

_Death closes all, but something ere the end_

_Some work of noble note, may yet be done_

_Not unbecoming men who strove with Gods._

Aboard his personal cabin on the Normandy SR2, Commander Shepard sat quietly on his couch as he took a sip of his sirrace ice brandy, a vain attempt at calming his nerves after the battle on Horizon. He was dressed in his casual Cerberus-provided clothing after stripping himself of his black N7 armor shortly after he had come back onboard, leaving the pieces of it scattered on the floor next to the bed. The room was quiet save for the barely audible whine of the Normandy's engines and the low hum of the fish tank.

The battle on Horizon was a significant event, for not only did it confirm the Illusive Man's suspicions of the Collectors working for the Reapers but it also provided Shepard a glimpse into Collectors themselves, not only about their methods of abducting colonies but also and probably most importantly their tactics in battle. And he had to admit, after weeks of building up the team and researching into ways to get through the Omega 4 relay, it was good to finally go toe to toe with the enemy.

But Horizon was just the beginning; he knew the fight was far from over.

Shepard placed the glass down on the table in front of him and buried his head in his palms. The wear and tear of the mission was already beginning to affect his mental state and he knew it. Ever since being resurrected by Cerberus and awakening from his coma after spending two years being worked on in the Lazarus Project he had been constantly on the move, going from world to world, place to place, solving problem after problem, killing hundreds along the way. In fact, immediately upon waking on that Cerberus station he found himself in the middle of battle, the target of assassination by a traitor in the Lazarus ranks.

He sighed at the memories, rubbing his forehead as if they caused him a great headache. Ever since the slaver raid on Mindoir that had claimed the lives of his family and every friend he ever had, Shepard had known nothing but battle and death. Enlisting in the Alliance military at the age of eighteen was his way of avenging those deaths in the hope that one day he would be able to confront the slaver hordes that had caused him so much pain and suffering. That chance came a few years later, where the Alliance had cornered a Batarian slaving ring on Torfin. Shepard had ordered during the battle that no slaver was to leave Torfin alive, slaughtering the Batarians even after they had surrendered.

Revenge had been his to bask in on that day, but he realized soon afterwards that he really had nothing else anymore. His family and friends were still dead, and he was nothing like the sixteen year old kid that he was all those years ago. He had changed. And here he was again, trying to save the galaxy from a threat it mocked him for believing in. In reality he was no stranger to controversy; to many he was known as the butcher of Torfin after he slaughtered the batarians, and even more resented him for sacrificing the council in the battle of the Citadel. He was quite often portrayed as a ruthless and barbaric man who lusted only for blood and his own ambitions. He hated them, yet still he persisted. His indomitable will and ambition had always set him apart from the rest, but one could only deal with so much before it started to get to them, even him.

Part of him almost wished he had stayed dead on that barren world.

A sudden swoosh of the cabin door broke his line of thought, and he stood up and was relieved to see Ashley Williams. Their meeting had been too brief on Horizon, and in here they would finally get some privacy. She was wearing a relatively casual outfit in contrast to her combat attire she wore on Horizon, a pair of camo fatigues with a black shirt commissioned with the symbol of the Systems Alliance. Her hair was tied up as it normally was, and for all intents and purposes she looked exactly as he remembered her from two years ago.

"Nice cabin," she said impressively as she scanned the room. "It reeks of Cerberus, but it's still pretty big. And look, a fish tank." Shepard ignored her but smiled lightly, walking up the small set of stairs to where she was standing.

"A bit messy though," she teased after seeing his armor lying on the floor. "Maybe you should get your assistant to clean that up for you?"

"You've met Kelly?" Shepard questioned curiously.

"She introduced herself on the way up. Said she was your personal assistant and the ship's 'psychotherapist', whatever that means. You know if I were you, I'd decorate this place a little better. Try to cover up the Cerberus stench."

"Can't say interior decorating is on my list of priorities at the moment," Shepard replied as he reached out his arms, placing both his hands on Ashley's hips and bringing her closer to him. Ashley let out a small breath, wrapping her arms around the man she had fallen for over two years ago, whom she hadn't seen in just as long before today. The two stood motionless as they stared into each other's eyes, as if both could relive the past by looking into the other's soul.

And they embraced.

They kissed, passionately, reminiscent of an dying flame being rekindled after waning for so long. Although two years had passed since they had last been in each other's company, to Shepard it had been only a few months. He had died that day, and waking up in the Lazarus facility seemed like nothing but a long night's rest. But he knew to her it probably felt like a lifetime.

Memories came flooding back to Shepard as their kiss deepened, both of them soaking each other in, of the first time he had met her on Eden Prime, to their night before Ilos…to the final minutes before the destruction of the Normandy SR-1 when he had last saw her. Through everything he had been through in his life, the only thing that ever made him happy anymore was her. And now she was his once again.

As it should be.

After several more moments they finally broke from each other.

"Look, I'm…sorry for what I said down there, James," Ashley relented, releasing her hold on him. "This is just all so sudden for me. When I lost you two years ago, I…it tore me up. I prayed for you every day.

"And now you're back. It's like my prayers were answered. But I'm not who I was then, and neither are you." Ashley turned and noticed the picture frame on the Commander's desk that held a picture of her. She lowered her head and looked away from it.

Shepard kept silent for a moment as he searched for the right thing to say. He could talk all day about his mission, about Reapers, about battle…but this was always different to him. Love was the one emotion that stayed buried within him more than any other, and experiencing it admittedly made him feel uncomfortable. But there was no denying his feelings for Ash. He loved her.

"Ash, I never meant for you to go through all of this," he said, stopping short of an actual apology. "I didn't exactly plan for all this to happen. You were there, you saw what the Collectors did to the original Normandy. Everything that happened after that was out of my control. If I could have let you know where I was I would have, Ash. You know that's true."

"I don't know what's true anymore," she said somberly. "Even as I stand here and look at you, part of me can't believe it's real. I keep expecting to wake up from a cruel dream to find myself alone again, without you."

She shook her head in an attempt to rid herself of the emotions she was going through, walking over to the bed and sitting down at the end of it, contemplating her thoughts.

"I wouldn't have expected you to work for Cerberus, but I know why they sent you to Horizon. I saw how many people were lost, and if anyone can stop the Collectors its you."

"I will stop the Collectors," Shepard confirmed without hesitation.

Ashley smirked. "Still have that hell fire confidence I see." She hesitated, trying to make sure her next words were right. "But...what about us? Where do we go from here?"

Shepard sighed and sat down on the bed next to her. "Ashley, I never left you. I was taken from you, but I never left." He looked down, remembering how long it had been. "Unless...you found someone new." His expression noticably darkened, but Ashley scoffed at the idea.

"Please, Shepard. You know I'd never find anyone like you. I may have forced myself to stop thinking about it, but I never forgot."

Shepard seemed pleased with the answer, the dark expression on his face fading back to normal. "You should come with me," he told her, taking her hands into his. "I could use your company."

"I can't go where you're going, James," she denied. "Not this time. You're not the only one with responsibilities."

Shepard seemed disappointed, but quickly masked it. "What will you be doing?" he asked.

"I'm an Alliance soldier, I'll do what I'm commanded," she replied without hesitation, though Shepard quickly recognized her attempt to hide any information that Cerberus bugs might be picking up. "Just do me a favor, and stay alive out there….Skipper," she said as she looked into his eyes. "I…I can't lose you again."

Shepard smiled at her, stroking her cheek with his hand. "And what do I get if I return?" he asked wryly.

"Well, you'll save yourself an ass kicking for one."

"Is that right?"

The two of them chuckled, both looking down at each other's hands as they remained clasped into one another. "And you'll get me," she told him. "Isn't that enough?"

Shepard looked into her eyes, but his expression was impossible for Ashley to read. "You're getting soft," he teased.

"Oh, you think so?" Ashley said with a grin, pushing him onto his back and throwing herself on top of him. "I'll show you soft."

She locked her lips to his, and the two of them gave into each other, just as they had all those nights ago.

And it was perfect.

The two of them stood still in the doorway to the cabin, Ashley waiting to take her leave. They embraced one final time, and said their reluctant goodbyes. Shepard watched her step onto the elevator, and she turned to smile at him one last time before the doors closed shut. "I will see you again," he whispered. "Soon."


End file.
